Goin' Galt

Just like my hero, Sarah Palin, I've decided to resign from MaCC in order to focus on my 2012 presidential campaign. Or because David Letterman was mean to me. Or because I'm flying down to Argentina to nail my mistress. Either way there will probably be no posts until a least this fall. Until then enjoy a little Garfunkel and Oates:

News roll up

In case you were too busy trying to find the governor of South Carolina (he's a Republican, so try looking in the men's room at the airport) here are some stories you might have missed:


We start out with a happy story about the world's oldest man, Henry Allingham, whose 113 years old (could have fooled me he looks 20 years younger). Henry credits his longevity to:

cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women

Three great tastes that taste great together. A veteran of World War I he had this to say:

War's stupid. Nobody wins.

From the Department of Stupid Ideas:

Downsized investment bankers: Fear not. The Central Intelligence Agency wants you.

Capitalizing on the financial crisis, the CIA has launched a recruiting campaign targeting Wall Streeters with an appeal to patriotism.

I suggest we all start learning Arabic.


And even worse news from Yahoo:

Moody's Investors Service said on Tuesday that the U.S. government's triple-A credit rating was safe but added that it could be at risk if Washington were unable to bring its public debt back to a downward trajectory.

Why is that bad news? Moody's is the rating agency that also gave AAA ratings to all those worthless CDO. We're all going to end up speaking Arabic in a cardboard box.


The Supreme Court once again dumps on us. From The Old Grey Lady:

The Supreme Court ruled Monday that the Clean Water Act does not prevent the Army Corps of Engineers from allowing mining waste to be dumped into rivers, streams and other waters....The corps permit, issued in 2005, said that 4.5 million tons of waste from the Kensington mine could be dumped into the lake even though it would obliterate life in its waters.

Also in a 7-2 decision the Court ruled that it hates you and wants you to die.


Let's throw it over to CBS with sports:

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte' Stallworth is going to serve 30 days in jail after pleading guilty in Florida to a DUI manslaughter charge.

A month in the slammer for killing someone? I wonder why he got off so light?:

Stallworth also reached a confidential financial settlement with the [victim's] family.

Guess I'll never know.


Last week Newsweek ran an article called "The Capitalist Manifesto" (Little tip: when writing a puff piece about capitalism you probably shouldn't start by referencing Karl Marx). I wasn't going to read it, because I find everything written in Newsweek to be blander than low-fat cottage cheese. Then I found out it was written by that idiot Fareed Zakaria, and I couldn't resist. It's like watching a train wreck or a Michael Bay film; you know it's going to be a disaster, but you still want to see how big of a disaster it's going to be. And let me tell you it is bad. Armageddon bad. Zakaria just recycles the old capitalist cliches in the most boring way possible (warning: do not read before operating heavy machinery). And not the cliches about how great capitalism is. The ones about how it isn't has bad as all the other economic systems. And by the time he starts saying shit like this:

But we are suffering from a moral crisis, too, one that may lie at the heart of our problems.

I dozed off.


Turning to the grown ups Nomi Prins, the author of Other People's Money, breaks down Obama's proposed financial regulations. Spoiler alert: she's not a big fan. William Greider, author of the classic Secrets of the Temple, is also sceptical:

The regulatory system was not overwhelmed by historic forces. It was systematically gutted and dismantled by the government in Washington at the behest of the banking interests. If Obama wants details, he can consult his economic advisors--Summers-Geithner--who participated directly as accomplices in unwinding the prudential rules and regulations. Cheers were led by the Federal Reserve with heavy lifting by both political parties.

Thomas Frank in the WSJ has a brief history of regulatory capture:

The first federal regulatory agency, the Interstate Commerce Commission, was set up to regulate railroad freight rates in the 1880s. Soon thereafter, Richard Olney, a prominent railroad lawyer, came to Washington to serve as Grover Cleveland's attorney general. Olney's former boss asked him if he would help kill off the hated ICC. Olney's reply, handed down at the very dawn of Big Government, should be regarded as an urtext of the regulatory state:

"The Commission . . . is, or can be made, of great use to the railroads. It satisfies the popular clamor for a government supervision of the railroads, at the same time that that supervision is almost entirely nominal. Further, the older such a commission gets to be, the more inclined it will be found to take the business and railroad view of things. . . . The part of wisdom is not to destroy the Commission, but to utilize it."

In funny YouTube clips here's Auto-Tune the News, which is like News round up but laid down with a phat beat. This weeks is about American exceptionalism, tobacco regulation and the blow-up dolls at Fox Business Channel.


And one more thing. When I find out who gave my E-mail address to the Fred Thompson PAC I'm going to find you and beat you like a red headed step child.

News round up

In case you were too busy trying to get David Letterman fired here are some stories you might have missed:

We start with the newest casualty of the global recession. From the always reliable New York Post:

The bad economy has put a real dent in al Qaeda's ability to raise cash.

Plagued by money worries over the past year, al Qaeda leaders put out an appeal for more funds, saying they need charity in order to combat US forces.

They should buy an auto company.


Epic fail! From AP:

Under the economic recovery plan, laid-off workers have seen a $25 weekly bump in their unemployment checks as part of a broad expansion of benefits for the poor. But the law did not raise the income cap for food stamp eligibility, so the extra money has pushed some people over the limit.

Oopsy.


CorpWatch has a story on what could be the next political fight: corporate tax code:

In early May, the Obama administration announced plans to eliminate the advantages that multinational corporations have over domestic corporations when it comes to the tax treatment of reinvested profits. The reforms were part of a larger tax reform package that includes a pledge to step up the government’s enforcement efforts against wealthy individuals and corporations that stash their money in secret offshore tax haven accounts.

Under current law corporations don't have to pay taxes on overseas income until it's repatriated. This has caused some "Benedict Arnold companies" to set up overseas in the Caymans and the like. And believe it or not corporations are fighting the proposed changes.

Thomas Frank has an op-ed over at the WSJ about a Kansas City company, Giant Labor Solutions, that has been indicted for enslaving foreign workers to clean hotel rooms in Branson (why wasn't this a bigger story?). According to the companies web site:

Bring on Giant Labor and "your recruiting, hiring and payroll expenses will drastically drop."

Slavery tends to do that.

You know how when people complain about the government illegally reading emails and tapping phones, Republicans say "If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about". From The Old Grey Lady

The former analyst added that his instructors had warned against committing any abuses, telling his class that another analyst had been investigated because he had improperly accessed the personal e-mail of former President Bill Clinton.

Does Bill Clinton have something to hide? Damn skippy, and most of it from his wife. Who works for the government. See where I'm going with this? And do you really want to know what's in his emails?

You can't make this shit up, because you wouldn't want to. From la LA Times:

Executives of three of the nation's largest health insurers told federal lawmakers in Washington on Tuesday that they would continue canceling medical coverage for some sick policyholders, despite withering criticism from Republican and Democratic members of Congress who decried the practice as unfair and abusive.
...
It also found that policyholders with breast cancer, lymphoma and more than 1,000 other conditions were targeted for rescission and that employees were praised in performance reviews for terminating the policies of customers with expensive illnesses.

At least they're honest about their dishonesty.

Last week David Letterman caused a bit of controversy after making a couple of jokes about Sarah Palin and her daughter. He later apologized, because he is a giant pussy. Here is a funny video of a handful of batshit Republicans at a "Fire David Letterman" protest (bonus: At 2:00 check out the two dudes in the background behind the crazy lady talking about how Letterman will rape your children with his mouth.) This blog could use this kind of publicity, so without further ado here is my:

Top ten most likely places where Bristol Palin lost her virginity:

10. On top of the washing machine in her front yard.

9. In the back of a Camaro.

8. While looking at Russia.

7. Over a stump.

6. On the back of a moose.

5. On top of the washing machine in her back yard.

4. At the Republican convention with John Ensign.

3. Back stage at a Rascal Flatts concert.

2. At a Purity Ball.

And the number one most likely place where Bristol Palin lost her virginity:

1. A family reunion.


Bring on the Protesters!

And Iran. Iran so far away.

Nothing gets between me and my Calvins. Not even a fraudulent election.

As you can tell from the dumb jokes I'm not an expert on Iran (for that go to the always informative Juan Cole), but here is my two cents. In the recent past the clerics, who really rule the country, let a couple of reformist be president. My thought is that the clerics can't let that happen now, because there has been a lot more unrest in recent years. They're afraid any reform could trigger a revolution a la the Soviet Union. The ironic part is that by stealing this election they might have just dug their own grave.

And I know it was jeans and not underwear. Shut up.

News round up

In case you were too busy watching this (seriously I've seen it like ten times and I still laugh my ass off) here are some stories you might have missed:


Last week marked the sixtieth anniversary of the publication of Yevgeny Zamyatin's We. The Guardian has an article on the novel's influence on George Orwell. Personally I think Orwell's diary was influenced by Edith Massey (let's see who gets that joke).


Avast ye scurvy dogs, in the recent European Parrrrrliament elections the Swedish land lubbers elected a matey from the Pirate Parrrrrty. In addition to wrenching, drinking and plundering:

The Pirate Party also lobbies for drastic change in Internet privacy regulation and complete abandonment of the patent system.

In addition I'd like to add "arrrrrrr".



Speaking of scurvy dogs:

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce said it will spend $100 million in an effort to stem the "rapidly growing influence of government over private-sector activity," in a major new move by the powerful business group to counter the Obama administration's regulatory agenda.

They're calling it the "Campaign for Free Enterprise" (groan), but as the article points out big business actually supported the bank bailouts and the stimulus. "Free enterprise" must mean FREE money for ENTERPRISE, and everybody else can suck it.


From the USA Today:

People who still have jobs are faring worse than at any time since the Great Depression, a USA TODAY analysis of employment data found. Furloughs, pay cuts and reduced hours are taking a toll on workers who so far have escaped job cuts.

The employed worked fewer hours in May — an average of just 33.1 hours a week — than at any time since the Bureau of Labor Statistics began counting in 1964. Part-time work is at a record high. Overtime is at a record low.

Those who are unemployed are also spending more time between jobs than at anytime since the Great Depression. The article quotes a fucktard from the Heritage Foundation blaming that on longer and higher unemployment insurance. I wonder what his explanation for why people are working fewer hours. Maybe it's all the people going Galt? The USA Today also has a story on the increase in the number of children receiving free school lunches. I'm guessing the Heritage Foundation thinks those kids should get a job in the textile mills or as chimney sweeps.


Speaking of Republicans who should shut the fuck up the Tea Baggers have released a new poster for their upcoming circle jerk protest:


First off the Trotskyists called they want their red fists back. Second off they're no longer the Tea Baggers; they are now the Fisters. Their sexual proclivities keep escalating. By this time next year they'll be the Scatters or possible the Autoerotic Asphyxiaters.

Dr. Moonbeam will see you now

In the ongoing debate about health care reform Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND) has is own novel scheme he hopes the Republican will like (good luck with that), and it looks like he stole it from dirty hippies. From an interview in WaPo:

A system of federally-chartered co-ops that could offer a non-profit alternative to the for-profit insurance industry. In this telling, the co-ops preserve the central feature of the public plan -- they're a competitor to the traditional insurance industry -- but are free from the baggage of government control.

I blogged recently that I was afraid any "reform" might force me to buy health insurance from a private corporation. Now I'm afraid I might be forced to buy it from some smelly pot head wearing Birkenstocks.

File under corporate synergy?

No one has ever accused insurance companies of being smart. From Scientific American:

Health and life insurance companies in the US and abroad have nearly $4.5 billion invested in tobacco stocks, according to Harvard doctors.

“It’s the combined taxidermist and veterinarian approach: either way you get your dog back,” says David Himmelstein, an internist at the Harvard Medical School and co-author of a letter published in this week’s issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

Stick to acting, Coach

The last year has not been easy. You might have lost your job. You might have seen your bank account shrink. You might have had your life turned upside down. You might even have lost your house. But if you're like me you've been asking yourself one question What does the dude from Poltergeist think? Recently Craig T. Nelson was on Radio Rwanda The Glenn Beck Program and after talking about maybe, possibly not paying his taxes (hello, IRS?) he had this to say about corporate bailouts:

They should be bankrupt. What happened to...we're a capitalistic society. Okay, I go into business, I don't make it, I go bankrupt. I've been on food stamps and welfare, did anybody help me out? No. No. They gave me hope, they gave me encouragement, and they gave me a vision."

Yeah, what has the government ever done for people on welfare, other then send them a free check? But that's just one day a month. What is Craig T. Nelson supposed to do on the other twenty-nine days? If you need a good laugh you can view the entire interview here. After watching it I think he might have spent his welfare check on crack.

On a side note have you ever notice Republicans get all pissy when celebrities get involved with politics, but only if they disagree with said politics. Otherwise they invite them on Fox News, and fawn all over them like 15 year old girls. It's almost like Republicans are complete hypocrites.